So, I’m the proud owner of a free Gilette Fusion razor. It has 5 blades. I’m confused by this…how many blades does a standard, non-electric razor need?

I remember back in high school, I was reading the back cover of Mad Magazine (remember those, kids?) and there was an ad for the “Gillette Mach 33″ razor, featuring 33 blades. This was a whole month after the Mach 3 debuted with it’s many blades, costing a heap of cash for the replacement cartridges, and somehow, being billed as “revolutionary”. I noted the humor in that it described how each “set” of blades did varying degrees of damage to one’s face.

Anyway, after the mach 3, Schick came out with a 4-bladed razor to compete. To compete with this, gillette came out with a version of the Mach 3 that apparently glows and vibrates with the help of a AAA battery. This completely blows my mind. Is this so the wife can borrow it to finish herself off without making her husband feel bad about not getting the job done himself? Or did some exec at Gilette corporation decide something like…”hmm, what a neat way to disguise a vibrator that’s small enough to…[complete the thought yourself, pervert]“. So, now to make this razor work, you need batteries too? They say the vibration makes the hairs “stand on end” so it’s easier to cut them. Sure it does…ya know what else does that? Stick your tongue in a light socket…helluva lot cheaper.

Apparently, people saw through this, and bought the 4 bladed Schick razors. I have no clue why some men think they need more blades, and consequently, more pricey cartridges (though they do last longer, the cost/benefit analysis shows that buying 2-blade disposable razors has lower upfront AND longterm costs). So now there’s a 5 bladed razor by Gilette, which comes in standard, and battery-powered assdil…er, vibrating make-your-hair-stand-on-end models.

I just don’t understand this reasoning.